双刀，第四部分，崔斯特的自剖翻译
第四部分7 T/ Y4 O# b, y7 W
平衡3 x9 o# {; q3 ?
在生命中存在着个人与集体，现在与未来的平衡。这个世界已经见识了太多在个人与集体之间对前者感兴趣的暴君，以及在现在和未来之间以损害未来为代价纵情于现在的自私的男女们。理论上，我们赞同把集体的利益放在第一位的做法，并指望未来变得更好。
0 T6 F3 c8 C! i6 \6 G! i在我在幽暗地域的生活的经历之后，在那种孤独并且仅仅是生存下去都非常艰难的生活中，对于我来说未来的意义并不比明天大，我已经试图去让自己选择后者---集体与未来---那些表面上更合理的目标。在我遇到这些朋友并且体会到友谊的真谛后，我看到了并且赞成集体力量大于个人需求。随着我逐渐认识并理解这种以力量，品质，和集体前进的文化，我开始试图让自己以一个百年后的历史学家的观点看待现在的选择。这个长远的目标已经被置于那些短期利益之上，而这个目标始终建立在集体的需要大于个人需求的基础上。9 J+ p W5 w0 j# p9 G
在我经历了与茵诺温尔的生活之后，在看到了失去朋友和之前从没认识到的爱之后，我发现自己没有明白全部。“作为一个精灵要找到你的时间距离。作为一个精灵要过好几个短命种族的生命。我已经认识到这些是真的，但是更重要的是。作为一个精灵，就是要活着，去经历那些实现一个并继续开始下一个长远期望时刻的乐趣。一定会有比遥远的希望更多的支撑生命的乐趣。: p! j! K9 o, L7 x, X: u
把握住这样日子和时刻。享受乐趣并且更努力的与失望战斗吧。
& |) y( y& C5 }0 K1 F2 V* R2 J J我已经有了一些能在生命最后的年头里回忆的的美好时刻。我已经和我爱的女人，也是我最好的朋友一起生活过。她理解我的想法，包容我的优点和缺点。她从来不判断，而是引导我去找到属于我的答案。我在她浓密的发际间找到了一个可以依偎的避风港。我在她天蓝色的眼睛中找到了一个阳光下我灵魂的倒影。我在我们行动的默契中找到了能解开属于崔斯特 杜垩登难题的答案的最后一片。8 w' C* F' B" ~6 _2 `
然后我失去了她，失去了所有的一切。
2 v0 Z5 ]7 A8 ?仅仅是在失去凯蒂 布丽尔之后我才能看到我犹豫的愚蠢。我害怕被拒绝。我害怕打破我们已有的关系。我害怕看到布鲁诺的反应，之后，从深渊魔域回来的沃夫加的反应。我害怕，畏惧，被吓倒了，这样的害怕一次又一次的使我无法行动。$ ~; A5 [. y) }' M
这样的情况发生过多少次啊？有多少次我的行为被无理的恐惧抑制住了。不是在战斗中，对于我，我从来没有被敌人手中的剑吓退过。但是爱情和友谊的领域里，我知道，创伤可以比任何兵刃造成的都深。" j' s% T% ?8 W+ @9 V% ?% l
茵诺温尔从霜巨人的洞穴里逃了出来，现在我也是，自由的。我将会找到她，我将会找到她然后我会保持我们稳步提升的友谊，如果还有更多的话，我将不再被害怕阻止行动。* |/ k7 O" J# p! A2 g
因为当它过去后，当我面临死亡或者当她被时间或者怪物带走，我将不会后悔。% n( K/ h. T; f
这是浅滩镇之役给我上的一课。
# f* k( Y( h4 A$ ]) e当我第一次看见布鲁诺倒下，当我第一次发现我失去了我的朋友，我退却到猎人的外壳里，退却到那种拒绝痛苦的原始愤怒中。茵诺温尔和塔罗舍帮助我脱离了那种破坏性的，自我破坏的情况，现在，我明白这对于我来说，伴随着使我失去自我的浅滩镇惨剧早在他们陷落之前就来临了。
* f5 u0 `* }: ^+ p我将不会再犯这样的错误了。集体仍然大于个人；未来的美好超过了直接的期望。但不是很多，也许。7 J1 D# Y0 G F' f. u
我知道我已经找到了这种平衡，全然的无私和全然的无私同样都是一个巨大的错误，同样一个完全献身精神的生命，没有快乐的，最终也是，孤单和空虚的存在。
/ D2 O! D$ _, M# u: U8 V3 m$ A7 ^----崔斯特 杜垩登
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PART FOUR
$ @. r3 g8 c& B, _+ H. g3 z5 h4 `THE BALANCE OF POWER
/ Y# q0 I' N: y4 t# s7 {There is a balance to be found in life between the self and the community, between the present and the future. The world has seen too much of tyrants interested in the former, selfish men and women who revel in the present at the expense of the future. In theoretical terms, we applaud the one who places community first, and looks to the betterment of the future.% U* P: t; R# o6 o U
After my experiences in the Underdark, alone and so involved in simple survival that the future meant nothing more than the next day, I have tried to move myself toward that latter, seemingly desirable goal. As I gained friends and learned what friendship truly was, I came to view and appreciate the strength of community over the needs of the self. And as I came to learn of cultures that have progressed in strength, character, and community, I came to try to view all of my choices as an historian might centuries from now. The long-term goal was placed above the short-term gain, and that goal was based always on the needs of the community over the needs of the self.
# k2 s& S8 ]2 w# N, UAfter my experiences with Innovindil, after seeing the truth of friends lost and love never realized, I understand that I have only been half right.: u* n( {9 M& ~% p R H9 m+ c
"To be an elf is to find your distances of time. To be an elf is to live several shorter life spans." I have learned this to be true, but there is something more. To be an elf is to be alive, to experience the joy of the moment within the context of long-term desires. There must be more than distant hopes to sustain the joy of life.
1 T# O3 L" F3 J# C( ySeize the moment and seize the day. Revel in the joy and fight all the harder against despair.
; ~. a+ r: Q! dI had something so wonderful for the last years of my life. I had with me a woman whom I loved, and who was my best of friends. Someone who understood my every mood, and who accepted the bad with the good. Someone who did not judge, except in encouraging me to find my own answers. I found a safe place for my face in her thick hair. I found a reflection of my own soul in the light in her blue eyes. I found the last piece of this puzzle that is Drizzt Do'Urden in the fit of our bodies.
9 M8 @+ ~2 [( I; hThen I lost her, lost it all. b; O/ \9 G( I3 b1 O9 a
And only in losing Catti-brie did I come to see the foolishness of my hesitance. I feared rejection. I feared disrupting that which we had. I feared the reactions of Bruenor and later, when he returned from the Abyss, of Wulfgar.1 h( q- d# F; Z; L$ ]
I feared and I feared and I feared, and that fear held back my actions, time and again.$ t6 R3 U* ^% k( ?# d1 Z" b6 A7 H+ ~
How often do we all do this? How often do we allow often irrational fears to paralyze us in our movements. Not in battle, for me, for never have I shied from locking swords with a foe. But in love and in friendship, where, I know, the wounds can cut deeper than any blade./ A. q- S$ Z5 j8 x9 b; ~
Innovindil escaped the frost giant lair, and now I, too, am free. I will find her. I will find her and I will hold onto this new friend?ship we have forged, and if it becomes something more, I will not be paralyzed by fear.$ T- f, A! v7 F/ G) P. d
Because when it is gone, when I lay at death's door or when she is taken from me by circumstance or by a monster, I will have no regrets.
# V% s4 X7 d- q+ {& E& j( _( iThat is the lesson of Shallows.
: s# S& t z9 R, g( HWhen first I saw Bruenor fall, when first I learned of the loss of my friends, I retreated into the shell of the Hunter, into the instinctual fury that denied pain. Innovindil and Tarathiel moved me past that destructive, self-destructive state, and now I understand that for me, the greatest tragedy of Shallows lies in the lost years that came before the fall.& @ Q0 o, j: `- f' \
I will not make that mistake again. The community remains above the self; the good of the future outweighs the immediate desires. But not so much, perhaps. There is a balance to be found, I know now, for utter selflessness can be as great a fault as utter selfishness, and a life of complete sacrifice, without joy, is, at the end, a lonely and empty existence.
5 n8 t2 q* \7 ?, }—Drizzt Do'Urden
